A Fixer No More!

Personally, I think the picture is creepy, but it drives the point of my blog.  You see, I am a fixer.  I am happy to fix any problem you have, whether you want me to or not.  This is not always a good thing.

Some people need to fix their own problems even if I can see the obvious solution.  Now you might think I am speaking of kids.  Nope.  I am talking about full grown adults.  These past few days I have shut my mouth in the face of several issues.  I have chosen not to be involved in some decision making because I usually come out looking like the bad guy when I do.  This time I honestly wasn't up for the job.  I have been working on my certification in weight loss coaching and had learned that being a fixer is not the best thing.  So, I am fixing only for myself these days.

I think stepping back was the right thing to do, but the fall out is hard and the problem has not been  solved in a good way.  There was a degree of anger as I would not step in where I usually do.  This brought to mind when I lost a load of weight and my position in the family dynamic changed.  Have any of you experienced this phenomena?  In every family, each person has a certain position.  The smart one, the silly one, the fat one, etc.  My position many years and pounds ago, was the victim.  As I lost weight, my family didn't know what to do with me.  They had to adjust to the new more confident me.  Same thing happened at work.  At the time, it drove my boss crazy because she couldn't dump work on me anymore.  It was wonderful to lose all that weight, but there was an awkward time while everyone adjusted.

I guess I am going through that awkward time now as well.  For 50 years, if I saw a problem, I figured out how to fix it.  I am a planner.  I actually work scenarios through my head to see all possible outcomes and then go with the best.  I try to plan for any hiccups.  An extremely simple example would be, if you have out of town guest coming, and currently people sleeping in what will be their bed, when is the best time to do the sheets?  Simple answer, find out when the person currently occupying said bed is getting up and plan your washing schedule as well as chore schedule around him leaving said bed.  My brain does this all day!

In coaching, I cannot fix.  I can only hold a mirror up to the client and then it is up to the client on how to fix.  Sounds easy?  Not really.  When the client wants to change, it is an amazing process!  It was hard for me to stop fixing people and to coach them on fixing themselves.  It is even harder to apply that into my own life.  It's working and there are some amazing changes taking place.  I wonder if I will always have that tendency to fix, or if after much practice, it will be normal to not fix and let the person fix themselves.

Here's to a new year, new life and new career!  I am so excited about the things to come.

The Holiday Shovel and Scoop!

Tis the season for loads of parties, luncheons, get togethers, etc.  It is a wonderful time to catch up with friends and family that we only see during the holiday season.  Unfortunately, we spend a bunch of time stuffing our faces with yummy foods and festive frosty adult beverages at these events and pack on the pounds.

It is so easy to have that extra glass of wine or not pay attention to the cookies, cakes and candies during events.  Well, I am telling you now, PAY ATTENTION!  Those calories consumed during mindless eating, are the ones that will add the extra pounds to your body.  Then it either starts a shame spiral or adds extra workout activity to your January schedule.

When you are at a party or festive event, enjoy your food, but only eat until you are full.  Think about what is going into your mouth.  Last week, I was at dinner with my husband.  He began shoveling some delicious truffle mac n cheese into his mouth.  I asked him why he was doing this?  He said it tasted wonderful.  Then I asked if he was really tasting it while he was eating so fast.  He thought about it and said no.  He then slowed down and enjoyed the yummy treat.

My father use to tell me when I was eating something fast, "Slow down so you can taste the vanilla."
He was so right.  So, my advice to you this season is to enjoy your treats, but go slow and really taste it.  You might notice you eat less and love it more.  And perhaps you won't be spending extra time in the gym trying to lose the holiday weight.