From age 8 to 17, I went to Nakanawa, an all girls camp in Tennessee. The camp was 7 weeks long. This is what was done in the summer. It wasn't an option to not go. Most of my friends went to a 2 week camp and then had fun by the pool for the rest of the summer. I was always so jealous!
I thought I loved camp, but I was never a special camper. I wasn't really good at any sport. I was one of the members of Octet (which was kind of a big deal), but that was singing and not sports. I never really fit in.
I made the best of my situation. I grew up at camp. I learned manners, how to play many sports, and how to live in the same room with 10 or more people.
Every year in the fall, the camp owner would come around and show movies from the previous summer. It was always fun to see yourself on film (this was before videos and the fact that everyone can be in their own movie via smart phone today).
After my final year, I went to the movie. The owner was handing out applications to some of the other girls asking them to come back as counselors for the next year. I mentioned that I might be interested in an application and she laughed in my face! She said "You? Why would you want to come back?" I was mortified.
Needless to say, I was never a counselor. For years I ruminated over her laughing at me. I tried to figure out what it meant. What had I done to bring on that response? This was someone that I admired. Was I a horrible camper? What was wrong with me?
I had forgotten about this incident until a few weeks ago. It's always icky when you remember something negative from your past. Sometimes it can release your inner "mean girl" and cause you to flog yourself for ridiculously long periods of time. This time my mean girl didn't get a chance to pull out her whips and chains. I am no longer that young girl who just wanted to be a part of a group. I like who I am and what I do.
I release that negative experience into the past. Those words cannot hurt or haunt me anymore. Do you have some experiences that continue to haunt you? Can your "mean girl" appear and smack you around?
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