A Fixer No More!

Personally, I think the picture is creepy, but it drives the point of my blog.  You see, I am a fixer.  I am happy to fix any problem you have, whether you want me to or not.  This is not always a good thing.

Some people need to fix their own problems even if I can see the obvious solution.  Now you might think I am speaking of kids.  Nope.  I am talking about full grown adults.  These past few days I have shut my mouth in the face of several issues.  I have chosen not to be involved in some decision making because I usually come out looking like the bad guy when I do.  This time I honestly wasn't up for the job.  I have been working on my certification in weight loss coaching and had learned that being a fixer is not the best thing.  So, I am fixing only for myself these days.

I think stepping back was the right thing to do, but the fall out is hard and the problem has not been  solved in a good way.  There was a degree of anger as I would not step in where I usually do.  This brought to mind when I lost a load of weight and my position in the family dynamic changed.  Have any of you experienced this phenomena?  In every family, each person has a certain position.  The smart one, the silly one, the fat one, etc.  My position many years and pounds ago, was the victim.  As I lost weight, my family didn't know what to do with me.  They had to adjust to the new more confident me.  Same thing happened at work.  At the time, it drove my boss crazy because she couldn't dump work on me anymore.  It was wonderful to lose all that weight, but there was an awkward time while everyone adjusted.

I guess I am going through that awkward time now as well.  For 50 years, if I saw a problem, I figured out how to fix it.  I am a planner.  I actually work scenarios through my head to see all possible outcomes and then go with the best.  I try to plan for any hiccups.  An extremely simple example would be, if you have out of town guest coming, and currently people sleeping in what will be their bed, when is the best time to do the sheets?  Simple answer, find out when the person currently occupying said bed is getting up and plan your washing schedule as well as chore schedule around him leaving said bed.  My brain does this all day!

In coaching, I cannot fix.  I can only hold a mirror up to the client and then it is up to the client on how to fix.  Sounds easy?  Not really.  When the client wants to change, it is an amazing process!  It was hard for me to stop fixing people and to coach them on fixing themselves.  It is even harder to apply that into my own life.  It's working and there are some amazing changes taking place.  I wonder if I will always have that tendency to fix, or if after much practice, it will be normal to not fix and let the person fix themselves.

Here's to a new year, new life and new career!  I am so excited about the things to come.

The Holiday Shovel and Scoop!

Tis the season for loads of parties, luncheons, get togethers, etc.  It is a wonderful time to catch up with friends and family that we only see during the holiday season.  Unfortunately, we spend a bunch of time stuffing our faces with yummy foods and festive frosty adult beverages at these events and pack on the pounds.

It is so easy to have that extra glass of wine or not pay attention to the cookies, cakes and candies during events.  Well, I am telling you now, PAY ATTENTION!  Those calories consumed during mindless eating, are the ones that will add the extra pounds to your body.  Then it either starts a shame spiral or adds extra workout activity to your January schedule.

When you are at a party or festive event, enjoy your food, but only eat until you are full.  Think about what is going into your mouth.  Last week, I was at dinner with my husband.  He began shoveling some delicious truffle mac n cheese into his mouth.  I asked him why he was doing this?  He said it tasted wonderful.  Then I asked if he was really tasting it while he was eating so fast.  He thought about it and said no.  He then slowed down and enjoyed the yummy treat.

My father use to tell me when I was eating something fast, "Slow down so you can taste the vanilla."
He was so right.  So, my advice to you this season is to enjoy your treats, but go slow and really taste it.  You might notice you eat less and love it more.  And perhaps you won't be spending extra time in the gym trying to lose the holiday weight.

Cold or Clean Toilets?

I have a cold.  My husband had it last week and for our anniversary, he passed it along.  What a gift!  Love him! Ugh!  I hate to be sick.  It is never convenient to be ill.  I have a list as long as my arm of things I need to do around the house, errands that need to be run, Christmas cards, and Christmas shopping.  The house needs a good cleaning after a great holiday weekend with kids and dogs running, playing and drooling (dogs only on the last one). 

Yesterday, I tried to do some of the things on my list.  I should have stayed in bed and slept.  I didn't.  Today I feel worse and now am having to stay in bed.  Of course, I am doing my blog, but that is my 1 thing to do today. 

If I had just stayed in bed yesterday, maybe I would feel better today.  I never give myself permission to be sick.  I don't think anyone does until they cannot get out of the bed.  Why do I and millions of others feel like I need to be a super hero and push through the cold?  What is wrong with taking care of oneself?  Who set the standard on this?  Am I lazy if I stay home?  Wouldn't more people appreciate me not infecting them with my germs? 

It is all in my mind.  I am putting pressure on myself.  Trust me, the world will still turn if I don't clean the toilets today.  Life will go on.  The post offices won't close down if I don't mail my Christmas cards.  It can all wait until I am healthier.

So, for today I am sick.  I am ok with that.  I am going to take care of me.  Are you taking care of yourself? 

Happy, Happy, Happy!

This has been my life for the past week.  Welcome Stu and Molly to our family!  We adopted them from a lab rescue group and we could not be happier!  For the past week, I have been chasing after dogs.  I have cleaned muddy paws, held slobbery balls, said NO! a thousand times, and have a sore right arm from chucking balls at the dog park.  I am constantly filthy and so is my house and my car.  Am I upset about this?  Heck no!  I am completely in love!
I forgot how quiet the house had gotten once our 14 year old lab passed away a few months ago.  Nick and I had gotten into a routine and for awhile enjoyed the quiet.  Since the rowdy pair have arrived, we have been exhausted, but constantly have goofy grins on our faces.  They are so much fun to watch, we are thinking of cancelling our cable.


So, this brings to mind a question... Is happiness organization or chaos? 

I used to think that everything in its place was absolute heaven.  If you haven't figured this out, I am a bit OCD.  It drives me crazy when the kids leave things out or when I have to clean little messes.  My house has clutter, but it is controlled clutter (is there such a thing?)  I don't like to be dirty and I hate a dirty kitchen.  I can't stand sticky hands or surfaces. Well, that has gone completely out the window.  I can't keep up with the mess and I don't mind!  This must be love. 

 The bonus of two labs is that so far, I am down two pounds.  Their exercise is my extra exercise.  My only worry is that my right arm will become a popeye arm and my left will look pathetic.  I have tried to chuck the balls with my left, but they don't go far and Stu has little patience for those lame throws.

If you had told me two weeks ago my life would change for sticky, slobbery dog kisses, dirty car seats and muddy paw prints everywhere, I would have laughed in your face.  It is amazing what love can do to a person.
What makes you happy?  what will get you to change your life?  What will get you to move forward?

Happy Thanksgiving to all.  I am thankful for these two rowdy, loving dogs that have turned my life upside down.  What are you thankful for?

That Last Bite Can Bite Back!

I love my Lapband!  I truly do.  For me, it was a complete lifesaver.  I am 200 pounds lighter and am now healthy.  It is a wonderful thing.

The Lapband is a tool to help you regulate the amount of food you eat.  You feel full on a smaller serving of food.  What the band cannot do and what I still struggle with at times, even after almost 14 years of being banded, is the last bite.  Stick with me and I will explain.

Have you ever eaten something so delicious that you do not want to stop even when you are feeling full?  The lovely plate of food before you is filled with so many tasty treats that you just don't want to stop.  You know the feeling, your body says no, but your mind says "Oh just have one more bite". Thanksgiving tends to bring on this overstuffed feeling as it is a holiday centered around food. 

Now for those of you who have not had surgical intervention, well, you eat the bite and feel a bit more bloated and icky.  You might even mentally flog yourself for eating too much.  For those of us who have had some sort of surgery for weight reduction, one last bite could mean regurgitation.  I know it sounds awful and it really is not the best way to spend a holiday dinner.

So, what do we do when we are presented with Aunt Bertha's special mashed potatoes and Mom's pecan pie?  They will be so hurt if you don't clean your plate.  Go ahead and eat, but when your body says stop, then STOP!  Ask for them to wrap up your leftovers for later.  Tell them how much you love it, but you are full and will eat it again for the next meal.  They will understand.  You won't feel icky or have a spit up.  It is a win-win.

So remember, if you are feeling full: PUT THE FORK DOWN!  You will survive and be so much healthier too.

MMMMM, Creamy Deliciousness!

I am a complete fool for anything that is creamy.  I love mayonnaise, cream, cream cheese, sour cream, milk, and every cheese ever made.  Ugh!  That list sounds fabulous and horrible at the same time.  My heart does a little dance every time I get to have any or all of the creamy foods.  Unfortunately, creamy foods are not considered the best for your body.  They are loaded with fats and can cause weight gain if you each too much.

One of Nick's daughters is no fan of the creamy.  She can't stand mayo or cream.  Her diet is healthy.  She prefers red sauce to me loving Alfredo.  She likes hummus whereas I prefer ranch dip.  Her dressings are oil and vinegar and mine are ranch and blue cheese.  She is a size 2 and I am not.

I wish I could adopt the healthy Mediterranean diet.  I like the foods and can live on them for awhile, but my joy lies in the fatty foods.  That is just it.  My joy.  In my studies, I have learned to "joy" eat for 10% of your daily intake.  That is everyday.  You must plan your joy eat.  This could be a sweet, alcohol or anything creamy.    A joy eat is anything that brings you joy.  It isn't a food that fuels your body, but something that makes you happy.  My joy eat last night was a margarita.  Tonight it will be a chocolate chip cookie.

I encourage everyone to start planning a joy eat everyday.  Think about it ahead of time and plan it out.  You might notice a positive change in your body.  What will your joy eat be today?

Dang! I Will Never Be Prom Queen

There are certain things I have come to understand about my life:
1. I will never be a supermodel (I am 5'1").
2. I will never give birth (hysterectomy).
3. I will never be the high school prom queen.

These 'nevers' will never change.  They are facts of life and I have come to gracefully accept them.  There are many things I can do.  I can learn to play the piano.  I can learn to paint.  I can even become a doctor.  The world is my oyster.  With these few small exceptions, I can do, learn or be whatever I want.  Isn't that awesome?  It is the same for you as well.  There might be a few things that are completely out of your reach, but isn't mind blowing to know of all the things that ARE within your reach?

Unfortunately we tend to limit ourselves and believe that we can't do many things.  It is so easy to spend time thinking negatively about ourselves and the things we cannot do. I am too old, too fat, not smart enough to complete a task. We give ourselves permission to NOT succeed.  We forget that we  have the power to succeed.  It is all in the way we think.

So, is there something you always wanted to do?  Let's get our thinking in line and move toward that goal. You don't have to become a surgeon tomorrow, but try taking some positive baby steps.  I think I am going to focus on knitting an infinity scarf. One of those big cool chunky yarn ones.  I have never done it, but I know I can learn to do it and I will post a picture when I get it done.  What will you do?